9-12-10 Sunday:
It has been a day never to be forgotten for many reasons. We had President Kogo (a pioneer in the African Church and a counselor to not only this mission president but to several in the past) stay with us last night overnight. He is a very wise, kindly large Santa Claus kind of man, but sharp and astute and so spiritual. He joined the Church 14 years ago when the Church was just beginning here. His wife wanted no part of those devil worshippers. (That seems to be a common thread here.) She did not hide her children like President Ndungu’s wife did for fear they would be eaten), but she did resist strongly his involvement in the Church.
They have 6 children I believe and all are very active and those old enough have all served missions. He spent yesterday afternoon answering our questions about the Culture of Africa and how it often collides with Church culture. He is right on when you talk with him. You know sometimes people here are active, but still have some of their beliefs. Not President Kogo. He sounds like a General Authority and speaks with authority.
He talked about a comment he had made earlier yesterday morning in the Priesthood session of the Leadership Training. At that time, he spoke of how his religious dedication is going to be put to the test now because his daughter’s prospective fiancé has come with his parents to speak of a possible engagement. It is the custom here that the young man goes to his parents to declare his interest in the girl. They discuss this at length, and the parents and young man go to the girl’s parents to see if this is okay with them. Then they engage in lengthy discussion about the bride price or dowry which brings significant income to the girl’s family.
The Church culture is very much against this practice because it is such a financial burden and means couples cannot marry until they are very much older. This means that in President Kogo’s situation where they are so active in the Church, they forego this dowry, and instead have an engagement announcement get together…not really a party, but a time of celebration and announcement. Then when the date is set, President Kogo (the only Church assigned person in this area to perform weddings) will “marry” them in a small ceremony visited only by those relatives and friends who can afford to attend, and then the couple will go to South Africa (requiring passports and great expense) to be married in the Temple.
He said in the meeting, “This is a test of my testimony.” Do I live what I preach? He is such a neat man. He said once the couple are married, they will return to live in a small house by themselves—not with the in-laws, as was practiced in the past.
In the past, the bride’s mother-in-law had the rule of the new home. She told the bride what to do and when to do it, and the bride had no say. In fact, she needed to live with her mother-in-law several months (I think before the marriage) so she could be taught how to treat her husband in the way he had been raised before marriage. President Kogo said that it was very difficult for his mother when he and his wife joined the Church and began to understand that husband and wife are equal partners, and that they have equal say, and that she no longer was to be governed by her mother-in-law. He said now his mother and siblings understand and accept the new way although I don’t think they are members.
Dowries enhanced the entire bride’s extended family. The uncle got a bull, the bride’s family got 8 cows, each of the aunts got a beautiful wrap –around cloth…I can’t remember the name of it, and on and on. So, for him to walk away from all of that is a tremendous break in tradition and financial loss.
He talked of death. Africans do not embalm bodies and so the funeral must be within several days. He said in the past (not now so much) they killed a goat and took the fat from it and rubbed it on the dead person’s lips so that no curse could come out against those who were left behind.
His wife joined the Church and began to understand that husband and wife are equal partners, and that they have equal say, and that she no longer was to be governed by her mother-in-law. He said now his mother and siblings understand and accept the new way, although I don’t think they are members.
Dowries enhanced the entire bride’s extended family. The uncle got a bull, the bride’s family got 8 cows, each of the aunts got a beautiful wrap-around skirt—I can’t remember the name of it, and on and on. So, for him to walk away from all of that is a tremendous break in tradition and financial loss.
He talked of death. Africans do not embalm bodies and so the funeral must be held within several days. He said in the past (not now so much) they killed a goat and took the fat from it and rubbed it on the dead person’s lips so that no curse could come out of the mouth against those who were left behind.
Today, we went to Church and spoke to a fellow about 55 years old. His name is E.W. He comes from a polygamous family. Polygamy is common here and still practiced. His father had 4 wives and 34 children. They lived in a common compound with each wife in her own mud dwelling.
When E. W. wanted to be baptized, he had to go through an extensive questioning period to determine that he understood the Church stand against polygamy and make strong commitments to make sure that he agreed to live the standard of the Church.
E.W.is a retired military man, and very, very well-versed in both the Bible and LDS scriptures. He said his father served as a cook to a British Lieutenant, who had been given land in Africa by the King of England as a bonus for serving in the military during WWII. While he worked for this military man, his father was counseled by him to NOT enter into polygamy. The Brit told him it would bring sorrow and poverty to his family. Our lesson in Sunday School today was about Solomon being wise and foolish. E.W. said, “My father was both wise and foolish” He said everything the Brit told him was true. It brought only unhappiness and poverty for all of us because he couldn’t afford to maintain the family.
This whole discussion came about because as we greeted E.W., he mentioned that two of his brothers died within the last week. One was 67, who died from liver disease (alcoholism) and the other died from Emphysema. Then he explained only one of the two was his mother’s son.
He said his mother, the first wife, died at age 66 of female problems. She encouraged her husband to take another wife because she could only have sons. She had 7 sons and only 2 daughters (one of whom died early). In their culture it is preferred to have daughters because they bring income to the family through their dowries. WOW! That was enlightening to me.
We have run into two homes for “discarded” children. One of these homes belongs to members in one of our branches, and one is run by a non-member woman with 25 orphans, her own children, and her nephew, who is a member and has received his call to Uganda Mission. The home run by members is far out in the jungle. They have 42 children they care for. Basically, they take in any child without a home. They work communally to support themselves. I’m not sure just how all the support comes, but it is quite the place. The Church helped them with a fresh water well or some other water project to give them clean drinking. They are very active. The father has just come back into the Church and been rebaptized. They are lovely people—amazing people really! They have kids from wee ones to two young men preparing for missions and one 27 year old daughter and a married daughter as well.
Many of these kids are AIDS orphans or children left behind after the political clashes. We went into one room that was just filled with corn that the kids were husking. In another room with just rudimentary benches, we looked on the cracked old blackboard to see chemistry formulas, a young volunteer teacher was teaching—stuff we didn’t understand, but understood enough to know it was legitimate. They had no idea we were coming. They have a greenhouse and fields of maize they sell I guess. We went into dorms to see many, many beds with mosquito nets and cords hanging over the bed with ragged clothing hanging from them. These dwellings are very rudimentary…mud walls..and floors…very poor, but the children were very polite and well-mannered. They seemed to be loved and well-treated.
Anyway, we were ready to start meeting this morning, and in walked this wife from the compound (she is in her 50s…looks so much younger as they all do to us). She had walked 2 hours with 28 of these kids all dressed up in bright red sweaters. It rained and rained last night, and they had tromped through the mud to come to the meeting. They ranged in age from 4-5 to about 15 I would guess, mostly 4-8 yr olds. They stayed for the block and then were going to walk back. We were flabbergasted.
I asked where she got the sweaters—all look new. She said, “We WORK! We worked for them!” Pretty impressive. They are very reverent in Church—as all kids here. They sit alone all kids together, and never a peep!
We went into Primary…wooden, backless benches…dirt or cement floors…cement walls, very little light…the President was very enthusiastic…a woman probably my age… She led the kids in some very energetic songs…like I’ve never heard before, calling them to come to Jesus…there was a lot of clapping, but the kids really seemed to enjoy it. So much for my District Training yesterday out of the Primary Songbook, but it was enthusiastic. The children from this compound do not understand English, but the rest of the kids from the branch (the minority in this congregation) did.
So, when the President got up and said, “And now we’ll turn the rest of the time over to Sister Beecher.” It was a bit of a challenge to teach new songs and fingerplays when no one had a clue what I was saying. Then the President got up and announced, “Since the children have all walked so far, I know Elder and Sister Beecher will want to escort them home in their truck!” Right! We are not supposed to transport, plus 28 children and the Sister who brought them….I went to Neal and said, “Guess what!” He went to the branch president who explained that we would be unable to “escort” them home even though we would like to have done so. The President of the Primary then opened up a package of treats for each child and then went out for recess. The program is a little different here than at home.
I have been perplexed by the restroom facilities at this branch. By the way, we work in four branches. Only one of them has a Western toilet. But, this branch is unique. There are four outhouses all connected in a row. Two say, “ladies” on the top and two say, “Gents”. I haven’t frequented the “Gents”, but one of the “ladies” says, “Wawa” and another says “Wawa Waka” or something like that. One is a regular drop hole. The other has a tiny hole smaller than a golf ball hole. I haven’t been able to figure it out. I have trouble getting everything to work correctly for the drop hole….far less ever negotiating the golf ball variety! I haven’t been able to find anyone who could understand me or speak to me well enough to ask what it means. I just couldn’t figure out how you negotiate that one with the very small hole.
Today, I met a young 27 year old woman, who speaks very well. I asked about all of this. She explained: The church meets in a converted home. These outhouses belonged to the occupants. The “Ladies Wawa” is a “toilet for short visits and long visits” she said. The “Ladies Wawa Waka” is a bathroom. “A bathroom?” I said, “Where do they get the water?” (I’m still thinking of this as a Church…not a home!) She pointed across the grass to the Church building…”over there!” “When do they bathe?” She said, “Only when they feel dirty!” She’s looking at me like I’m dense—which I am. So, then it made sense. The one stall is for “visits”, the other—with the tiny hole, is for BATHING! It is just us dumb Westerners that don’t get it.
So, all in all…today has been a leap of cultural understanding!
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