Random thoughts and experiences

Some random thoughts for April 3, 2011 Sunday

Death--ever present

We just returned home from visiting with a family after Church. Two weeks ago I reported that we had had such a traumatic day. We went to visit a woman, very pregnant in a mud house, with almost no furniture—just a couple of stools and some tattered pages from an old “Ensign” hung high on the wall. As we passed by the adjacent room, we could see rags on the floor where the family sleeps.

It was so dark, and her plight so desperate, I just thought at the time, “Oh my goodness. I would be so sad and depressed if I had to live as she is living.” She is young..maybe mid 20s. Her husband works in Sudan and returns home maybe once a month just for a few days, so she is alone--almost all the time. She has 5 children…little children…and she told us she is due this month. She looks like she is due this month. Her family does not live near. Her husband’s family (polygamous) live quite close, but she said she has no help.

You will remember as we left the house, her little children were sitting, backs against the wall, playing in the dirt. The oldest child—maybe 8 or so was holding the baby, not quite 18 months old. The baby just lay there listlessly in the arms of the older child. The Relief Society Pres was with us. She went right over to the baby, picked up its little foot, turned to me, and said, “This baby is dying. Look at its ankles and arms. See how they are swollen. It is starving to death. It will die soon.”

Neal and I looked at the baby. It didn’t look like what we had seen malnourished babies looked like on TV, but she assured us that it was so. She turned to the mom, who was quite listless as well, and said, “What are you feeding this child? Are you giving her the medicine and food she needs?” The mom just kind of shrugged and said, “No food. We have no food.” Her response seemed so flat, so resigned, so hopeless.

We asked the R.S. Pres to contact the Branch President, which she did. He does not know this woman, who is a neighbor to the R.S. Pres., and is a less active member of the Church, who hasn't attended for a very long time, but he gave the R.S. Pres some money to help her. That day, we walked on down the field to visit more of this woman’s husband's relatives. Their children looked like the TV pictures of hunger with spindly legs and protruding stomachs. It was very upsetting as you may imagine, so we called the Branch President, and asked him if he could help, which he did.

Today when we went to Church in that branch, the R.S. President told me the baby died this morning. We couldn’t believe it. It is just so far from our cultural experience. Death is so common here….so much a part of every day life with so many mouths to feed and so little food and no medical care, many live right on the edge.

So, after Church a delegation of 9 of us piled into our car and the only other car in this whole area of members, and drove to the R.S. Pres home, where we parked the cars, and then walked through the fields and bush to the same home we visited 2 weeks ago.

Mourners surrounded the house and spoke in low Swahili. I counted 8 women sitting in the dirt to the right of the house, 2 old folks sitting together on wooden stools with many children standing and sitting in front of the house. A younger man, probably in his 30s or 40s, a brother-in-law to the baby's mother—I’ll call her, Rose, sat on a wooden box to the left of the house. There were other people standing around and lots of kids, including the 4 Mormon teenagers who joined our delegation walking down hrough the fields to get to the house.

Neal and I kind of hung back. Muzungus like us are often a real detriment in any kind of a public gathering. Most people see us as devil worshippers and fear we will eat their children (because we are white Mormons). They don’t understand that we are Christians.

We trooped through the mourners, who stopped talking immediately to watch what would happen next. We walked into the same dark, bare house. A couch with a foam pad on the wooden slats stood on one long wall of the empty room. As the 13 of us crowded in, I looked hard to try to see “Rose”. I could see faintly that there were several women (3-- I later discovered) toward the back of the room which was very much like a cave because it was so dark. No one could move once we all scrunched in.

The branch president approached the couch where 2 baby blankets lay flat. He lifted them to reveal a tiny baby "asleep" on its side with its hands kind of clasped together. He left the baby uncovered while we sang “I Know that My Redeemer Lives” and then he gestured for one of our party to pray. All this time, nothing was said in acknowledgement or greeting to anyone who lived there.

After the prayer, we began to leave and as the crowd thinned, we could recognize Rose, very, very pregnant in a ragged shift standing at the back of the room. She wore a white bandanna on her head, which is very common here. We went outside where wooden stools were provided for some of us. Others just sat on the ground. We formed a circle and a wooden chair was provided for Rose.

We shook hands all around—Kenyans shake your hand, then grab your thumb, then shake again and grab your thumb again as a sign of friendship. While doing so with their right hand, they place their left hand on their right arm at approximately the inside of the elbow to show respect. Many men do that also when they pass the sacrament—again for a sign of respect. Kenyan women hug each other (and me) by touching first one cheek then the other with their cheeks while embracing.

Much conversation in Swahili passed back and forth around the circle. Our delegation went with the anticipation that they would be taking care of the funeral on Wednesday. Funerals are all day affairs and much food and drink is consumed at great financial hardship on the family. In this case, there was an expectation that the Church would help or provide this food and the program as well as the dress for the baby, the coffin, etc….

Neal and I understood none of the conversation, except that the old woman had moved from her place near the old man, to sit on a slight rise of ground facing the Church leaders. She didn’t say a single thing, but we learned later that she carried much power in this whole drama. The younger man (brother-in-law) had much to say. All of the principal players in this scene spoke very quietly (as is the African custom). Rose’s husband is still in Sudan.

After about 45 minutes of intense conversation, our members stood in unison, and we walked out single file just as we had entered. Then we learned what had occurred. The baby had been blessed as an infant in the Church of Christ. Rose had converted from the Church of Christ to Mormonism. She wanted an LDS funeral, but either her mother or her mother-in-law (the old woman on the ground) had the power to make the decision. This woman was a member of the Church of Christ. The brother-in-law said that he was the one to make the decision, and the baby would be buried with services by the Church of Christ.

At first everyone seemed confused about if we were representing that church because the names are so similar. So when the players realized we were talking about two different denominations, they determined that that church would perform the services, and they didn’t need our help.

As we left, Rose raised her head and implored the Branch President and R.S. President not to desert her. Neal and I weren’t sure what that meant, because she hasn’t been actively attending for sometime. Also, there was much conversation about the day of the funeral. The family is concerned because it is hot and the body is decomposing too fast, so they will probably have the funeral tomorrow instead of Wednesday. Most of the funerals here are held at home and the burials are done in the family yard.

President said he would go back tomorrow when there weren’t so many people, and see if he could provide food for the other children and Rose. It is so sad, so tragic. Their lives are so hard. We are just amazed at their courage and faith.

Now, on a somewhat lighter thought....

Old man—lead foot

So we are driving down the road the other day…lots of potholes…rough going…but pavement! There are many police checks along the highways. Usually they pull over matatus(heavily stacked vans), and we are ignored. Not always—we’ve been stopped before and been queried about our citizenship or our license or registration. But this time was pretty interesting and funny I thought. The officer asked to see Neal’s driver’s license and registration.

Then he said, “I saw you coming, and that you are an old man. You were going 99 and should be going under 80 and shouldn’t be driving like that when you are an old man. It is dangerous.” Your dad was really respectful, but he couldn’t get over it. It was kind of like my dad having his driver’s license taken away. I just chuckled at him!

Sickness

Neal took Pres Nd to the hospital to help a family at the first of the week. Neal left quite early in the morning and didn’t return until late afternoon. They spent the entire day going from one line to another line trying to pay to get the father and two children out of the hospital. They had been there as patients for 2 days. Six people had died in the ward where the father was staying during that time. He said there were 3 people in each bed and many people on the floor. He and his 2 children all had meningitis. It is just amazing the terrible sicknesses the people face.

Neal said it was interesting to watch all the monkeys running around on the roof of the hospital. They live off the garbage that the patients and their family members toss outside.

Then Tuesday the first family we visited from a different branch had a child in the hospital for a week with Meningitis. The mom said she finally had to bring her child (a little boy about 5 years old) home even though he wasn’t well, because they couldn’t afford the hospital bill. So, it must be going around. We hear about Malaria all the time—in fact the boy that washes our car each week is home sick today with it. But, this is the first time we’ve heard about Meningitis. He was sick with it Friday at our Seminary/Institute training, but didn’t know it.

Seminary/Institute Training

Speaking of the training, we had two wonderful sessions this week—we taught the Kitale area teachers on Friday morning and the Eldoret group of teachers on Saturday. It was really wonderful. The spirit was so strong in both groups. We used a question/answer format, and they had some really neat questions and insights as we all shared together. We really enjoy the teaching component of our work. Today we were both able to help teach in Sunday School Youth Class, and I taught YW—all of it extemporaneous of course. We learn a lot ourselves that way.

Neal told a story I had forgotten. He said that when he was in college, he got a summer job helping to work for the same carpentry contractor company his father had worked for many years. Neal was hammering and hit his thumb and said some bad words. One of the other older men quietly turned to Neal and said, “I’ve worked with your dad doing carpentry work for years and years. I’ve seen the blood blisters on his fingers almost continually from having hit them with his hammer. I have never heard your father ever utter a cuss word, never, not even once.” Neal said it was really a blessing to him to hear that about his dad and taught him a huge lesson.

Neal has been receiving some calls—mainly from branch presidents who have never had their patriarchal blessings asking if they and their family members can receive them. He has been referring them to President Broadbent.

I’m going to try to begin to interview some of the older saints here to get their life histories written for them. Today we were asked for money for open heart surgery, for gas for gas lamps, for eyeglasses, for money for paper notebooks, etc. We are trying really hard to follow the program and refer all requests to the branch presidents.

New lodging

When we go to Eldoret, the road is so rough and takes 2 hours to arrive. Therefore, we stay overnight the evening before our lesson Saturday morning at 9:00AM. We have always stayed at the same place, but Friday they had forgotten to write down our reservation at the lodging, so they frantically called another place for us. We drove there and were so pleased with the new place. It is very quiet and not really fancy, but a very nice place. It is a Christian Convention Center, and the people treated us so nicely. It is 1,000 ksh cheaper too. So, we will probably stay there more often, like next Thursday night when we have to be down there in Eldoret for Zone Conference.

We met with the elders in our district for our weekly FHE Tuesday night. We talked about the archaeological evidences of Lehi’s trek through the wilderness. It was a very spiritual night with them. We really love our elders. They are such good young men, who work under very difficult conditions here.