Wow! What a day of Cultural Experience

February 10, 2011 (Today we have been here 6 months)

Visiting 2 AIDS victims:

Today we spent the day with a counselor in the Branch Pres (D.M.) and the R.S. Pres (E. M.) for one of our branches. We traveled to a part of the branch where 15 inactive families and the R.S. Pres and her husb (ex-br pres) live. He is inactive as well. These two branch members agreed to take us visiting to try to encourage people to come back to Church.

Our first stop was to D’s house. She is a widow. Her 16 yr old daughter met us first. They live in a small mud house on a very small plot of ground they were able to put money down on several years ago. Prior to that, their former home caved in with the heavy rains. The mortgage collector came yesterday, and they didn’t have the money to send him away. D and her children are in danger of losing their house. D has AIDS and has been quite ill. She sent her younger daughter, B, to an orphanage, but the orphanage (the same one where we performed Christmas service) charged 3,000 ksh for school fees (about $38) and she cannot afford to pay them, so had to take B out of school.

D is taking AIDS treatment, but she does not have money for the medicine. The doctor has informed her she needs no stress in her life, she needs to eat healthy foods, and she needs to keep taking the meds. Her husband died 8 years ago of AIDS after infecting her. My companions said the women victims here feel bad and angry when their husbands bring AIDS home, but then the women must forgive them because the man dies and anger just “eats the wives up”. D. owes between 11,000-15,000 ksh—about $150. She feels “sorrow daily”.

After we left the house, we talked about AIDS and what parents are doing to protect their children. Our companions said, “We tell our children to avoid sex until marriage, but when they go to boarding schools, they live among students who do not come from Christian homes, who tell them their parents are old fashioned and that they will not be affected by AIDS. Some students lure them into bad things, and even some of their teachers are seducing them. Our new constitution will make it a life sentence for an adult to do this. “

2^nd visit

We went to see J.L. She lives way out of town, down a dirt road that empties out into a large field. We disembarked and walked down across the field to a house set far back on its edge. It was a mud house with dung floor. A very tall woman warmly welcomed us at the door. She pulled us in with big hugs and happiness to see us. She is housebound because she cannot walk, even a short distance, because of swelling and pain in her legs incident to AIDS.

J.L. has been a AIDS widow for 12 years. She has five children from 12 years up, who are very close in age. She loves the Church and reads her scriptures alone and with her children. About three years ago, she became so ill with AIDS that she had to give up her 3 youngest children to be raised by the R.S. Pres who was acting as our guide today.

When J.L.’s husband died of AIDS, his family “molested” her. That means they kicked her off his land and took every single possession from her home. They wanted the land back. Here, when the farms are divided up, often each sibling gets a small plot. In this case, her husband owned 2 acres: 1 ½ in one area, and ½ acre where she now resides. His family wanted the land back when her husband died, so they kicked her out.

She moved into a rental in the market with her children. The markets are really rough, dirty, loud places. She was flat down in bed for 1 ½ years, nearly dying. Her father went to the District Officer, and fought for her land. She said, “he literally RAN to the DO to fight for her.” Her father is also a very poor man. He was able to wrest the 2 acres back for her, but could not retrieve her possessions. Her father took her into his home, and she gave up the children to our present R.S. Pres.

Then about a year ago, her father helped her erect a small mud house on the property, and the R.S. Pres had the kids come back to “protect” her and to help her by working the garden plot for her.

She became so ill, our companions said, “because she didn’t get treatment in time.” She has no money for drugs. It was interesting to us that when we arrived, she had a leaflet on the table discussing “organic gardening”. She explained that she had completed her Fourth Form. That would be comparable to high school, but the majority of the people here where we live, have not gone that far in school. It is far too expensive. So, among her peers here, she is pretty well educated. She was just such a sweet woman. She didn’t mention money or AIDS or her problems, only her frustration in not being able to leave the house, and her love of the Church. She said that when she absolutely must leave the house, she gets a taxi—that means she gets a bicycle rider to come and put her on the seat on the back to take her out. How a bicycle rider could even get to her across that field is beyond me…big clods of dirt to get over. I just wanted to cry for her. I can’t even imagine what her life must be in that dark mud house.

Culture, culture, culture---it is so foreign to us—I won’t forget this

Our next visit was to B.K., who is 2^nd Counselor in the YW, but who has been absent from Church for several months with bouts of Typhoid and Malaria. These two illnesses are the most common sicknesses that we run into here. When we arrived, BK wasn’t home. She was at the market. Neal & I have never met her, but she is very familiar to the two companions who were our guides.

Her 16 year old daughter welcomed us into their home, which was a fairly large mud structure with dung floor. They had covered the walls with lace curtains so that the mud did not show. One of the curtains was lovely---about 3ft by 5ft with a lace pattern woven into it of Cornwall and Devon England scenes. All of the overstuffed furniture (wood framed furniture with very thin foam pads on them), had white, red, or blue pieces of cloth hung across them, which made it look very festive. They had also strung decorations across the ceiling like Christmas tinsel.

It wasn’t until we sat there for a while, that we noticed that there were probably 90-100 wasp nests hanging from the ceiling and the junctures between the ceiling and the walls. They were tiny nests, but very active with hornets. I surreptitiously counted 25 nests on one of the shorter walls. They said some people believe the wasps bring good luck, but our companions were not convinced, and appeared as nervous as we were during our almost 1 ½ hr visit.

We talked with the daughter, who appeared quite shy with us. Soon, she got up and returned with an old man, whom we later discovered was her father, T.K. He could not speak English, had poor teeth, but was very, very nice. He explained through the counselor in the Br. Pres translating that he had read the Swahili copy of the Bk of Mormon. He has attended fairly regularly, but can’t be baptized until he can learn to understand English. He told us he wanted to be baptized.

We heard at various times during the visit that he had 8-9- and 10 kids. We never ever understand. He is fine that his wife and children, who are members, come to church. Fare is a problem (always). We discovered that he is 79 years old—born in 1932. He looks that old too. His wife, BK, had been at the market. When the R.S. Pres called her there, she returned home to meet us.

We were shocked to see her. She is much younger looking, and in fact, is 44 years old. She had a beautiful, young face—beautiful eyes and cheekbones—her hair in cornrows. She must have been strikingly beautiful as a younger woman. She was warm and smiling with us. She speaks English fairly well. She appeared to be very affectionate (for an African—because they rarely show affection in public) and attentive to her husband. He told us through interpretation that he remained young because she “takes such good care of me.”

As we left the house, I couldn’t resist. I asked her how she met her husband. She said that he had been married before and had 10 children. His first wife died when he was 57 years old (22 years ago). He then took his parents, and they went to her (BK’s) parents’ home and paid a bride price for her. She did not know him at all at this time. She was 22 years old at the time of her marriage. She said she had no choice in the matter.

Even if she had loved a man much closer to her age, if her parents decided they wanted her to marry this man, and he was willing to pay, she must go. She said, “I love him now. He is good to me. We have been married a long time. We have had 10 children ourselves. Our youngest child is 5 years old.”

Her husband was 74 when this last child was born. He has 19 living children. She giggled at my questions and with me. She was amazed that I was amazed. She hugged me several times as she laughed. It was a delightful, eye-opening encounter.

It was interesting to us that he asked us what would happen if he died and wasn’t baptized yet into the Church. “Will the Church bury me?” We asked if he meant ceremonially or financially. He said he meant would they perform the service. It was a visit I shall never forget.

Last visit of the day:

C.A. is a counselor in the YW. She is also a PEF recipient. She has had a run-in with the law because of selling medicine without a license and some other problems. She has become disenchanted with the Church and is angry because she hasn’t been visited. Her husband has moved in with a second wife, leaving her on a small plot with her 3 children. She is upset because she says no one ever visits her. No home teachers or visiting teachers. So, we made an appointment to go visit her in a place none have visited---a new different location.

We drove down a steep dirt incline off the tarmac, and then over some pretty rough terrain..no road at first, then just a dusty trail that got more and more narrow, until even Neal gave up, and backed out because the foliage had covered the road so closely, we couldn’t get through. The R.S. Pres asked neighbors all along the way for directions, and we walked—quite a way back into the area where her home was. Neal said it was probably ½ mile. It wasn’t too bad of a walk, but it was very hot and dusty. We are in the dry season now—many people are hungry because they have run out of food. They wait in great anticipation for the rains, which are supposed to be imminent. The BP Couns, pointed to the sky and said, “See the clouds are beginning to form. It will rain soon.” I looked at the sky, and couldn’t see much of anything….Anyway, after all that effort trying to find her home, it was padlocked up. We called her, and she said, “Oh, I’m in school.” That was a bit upsetting. But, the day was really wonderful. We had some very tender moments, some sad experiences, and so heart-warming ones as well. We are constantly amazed at the strengths and resiliency of these people who cope with such VERY difficult lives.