On the lighter side: something I learned today at Church. If you are 4-5 years old, and you squish a plastic sacrament cup onto your cheek, the suction created makes it stay there! AWESOME!!!!!
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Friday, February 18, 2011
February 19, 2011
This will be a shorty because I don’t have a lot of time today. Just some interesting impressions. I
I could have wept when we were out in the field (literally—newly plowed) last week and were met by about 15 school kids (Elementary). Most were barefoot—shocking when you see what they walk through, but one had high-topped shoes (picture the 1930s), laces askew, and soles flapping, with plastic bread sacks stuffed inside for socks. It will be one of my cameo image remembrances.
Yesterday, we visited a woman who has been very, very ill this week. She has
AIDs ,and her immune system is compromised. She asked Neal to come and give her a blessing. We had just finished teaching a Mission Prep class to a young man preparing to leave. He had never given a blessing before, nor had he or his younger brother ever seen one given. We took them with us. The woman had a very serious case of malaria, and had become dehydrated, so had been hospitalized 3 days before. She had been released day before yesterday. She was still very, very ill. She was so thin, when I held her, it seemed she was hardly there. She tried to be brave, but it was obvious she was in great pain. She said she hurt to move any part of her body, and her headache was excruciating.
Her husband was off to community meeting to build a new school in the area as a part of a non-denominational Christian coalition. Word was sent to him that we were there, so he and a field agent for this group, arrived by motorcycle to welcome us to their home. Her husband is a Quaker—this is a new marriage. He has 10 children by his former wife, and I think this lady has 5 children herself. He and his supervisor were very kind and gracious to us. He left again as soon as we did. I felt so sorry for her.
We are continually being asked for help, for money, for notebooks, pencils, you name it. I was mildly surprised last week, when a member who is often asking us for services and goods, called and asked for a dictionary for his daughter’s school teacher because she didn’t have one in the school.
The pay for digging post holes and deep wells is 150 ksh a day…about $1.70.
We have a sister in one of our branches who has moved back with her mother. She is about 35 I would guess. Her husband kicked her out when her baby died during delivery. She was devastated.
We hear drums all the time—almost every morning when we walk, during Church we have drums and chanting
One member told Pres Mat. He couldn’t come to Church because he is afraid someone will steal his property while he is there. Pres Mat told him, “I live on a compound with my extended family. I spend most of the day on Sundays (and other days) at the Church. My chicken and eggs (under a cover) were stolen, my pineapples, maize, bananas, and other fruits have been stolen while I’ve been to Church. I still come. My neighbors work very hard all week and every Sunday. I see them working so hard in the fields. I come to Church on Sunday and do not work in the field. Yet, my fields yield much more than their same amount of land because I pay my tithing and come to Church. The Lord will bless you if you come to Church.”
We related that story to our missionary yesterday. Pres Bar was sitting in on our meeting. He is br pres of a different branch. He said, “Yes, I have had the same experience. I have a 2 acre shamba which I cultivate. My neighbor has 10 acres which he plants with the same seeds. Yet, he comes to me to ask for food because the Lord blesses my work.”
If a younger brother marries before his older brother (in some tribes), the younger can never again enter the home of his older sibling.
A young member said his baby died at birth, 10 months after the couple married. They had married outside their tribe. They were told “This is a curse, and if you have any other children, you will die.”
There is something called temporary burial and permanent burial. They occur in different parts of the cemetery. Most of the people here fear being buried in a cemetery because the bodies are just piled on top of each other without boxes, and if they do have a box, it is flimsy. Most want to be buried on the home plot and worry if they do not have land to do so.
A widow cannot paint the outside of her home after her husband’s death if he is from a different tribe. That is a slap in the face of his tribe because it shows she is happy when he is gone.
One of our members has lived 23 yrs on government land as a squatter. The govt is changing and needing to use that land, so she must find a different place to live. I noticed paintings on her outside wall. She said her husband had done that before his death, but that she could not do it without offending his tribe in Uganda.
During the clash, the Luyas fought with the Kikuyus. Our little pre-missionary talked of his family running to this area to get away from the problems because their cattle were stolen, house broken into and people hurt. The government provided these victims shelter with tents until they could find permanent lodging.
Yesterday we visited a R.S. Pres: B. M. Her teenaged daughter was standing over her as she sat in a chair in the dirt outside her home (one of the houses the former miss couple had built). The R.S. Pres was wearing a very tight wig with coils of hair sewn onto a net. On top of this tight (close to her head) wig, the daughter had placed another net onto which she was taking hanks of polyester hair (from a plastic bag---hair as long as a horse’s tail). This fake hair, she rolled in long coils---like a snake. Then took a long (3 inch) needle, with which she was attaching the second net on her mom’s head. So the mom had a tight wig of coiled hair next to her skin, and then the daughter was building another wig on top of it and sewing the coils to the top one. She said the fake hair was 200 ksh, and the top wig (which she will sell) will bring her an additional 200 ksh….200 ksh is about $3. So mom is basically serving as a mannequin for the production of the wig. Almost all of the women here either wear a wig, have cornrows, or have shaved heads or very close cut hair. Most wear wigs---all kinds of varieties of lengths and styles. One whole row of counters in the grocery store is dedicated to wigs and hairpieces.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Wow! What a day of Cultural Experience
February 10, 2011 (Today we have been here 6 months)
Visiting 2 AIDS victims:
Today we spent the day with a counselor in the Branch Pres (D.M.) and the R.S. Pres (E. M.) for one of our branches. We traveled to a part of the branch where 15 inactive families and the R.S. Pres and her husb (ex-br pres) live. He is inactive as well. These two branch members agreed to take us visiting to try to encourage people to come back to Church.
Our first stop was to D’s house. She is a widow. Her 16 yr old daughter met us first. They live in a small mud house on a very small plot of ground they were able to put money down on several years ago. Prior to that, their former home caved in with the heavy rains. The mortgage collector came yesterday, and they didn’t have the money to send him away. D and her children are in danger of losing their house. D has AIDS and has been quite ill. She sent her younger daughter, B, to an orphanage, but the orphanage (the same one where we performed Christmas service) charged 3,000 ksh for school fees (about $38) and she cannot afford to pay them, so had to take B out of school.
D is taking AIDS treatment, but she does not have money for the medicine. The doctor has informed her she needs no stress in her life, she needs to eat healthy foods, and she needs to keep taking the meds. Her husband died 8 years ago of AIDS after infecting her. My companions said the women victims here feel bad and angry when their husbands bring AIDS home, but then the women must forgive them because the man dies and anger just “eats the wives up”. D. owes between 11,000-15,000 ksh—about $150. She feels “sorrow daily”.
After we left the house, we talked about AIDS and what parents are doing to protect their children. Our companions said, “We tell our children to avoid sex until marriage, but when they go to boarding schools, they live among students who do not come from Christian homes, who tell them their parents are old fashioned and that they will not be affected by AIDS. Some students lure them into bad things, and even some of their teachers are seducing them. Our new constitution will make it a life sentence for an adult to do this. “
2nd visit
We went to see J.L. She lives way out of town, down a dirt road that empties out into a large field. We disembarked and walked down across the field to a house set far back on its edge. It was a mud house with dung floor. A very tall woman warmly welcomed us at the door. She pulled us in with big hugs and happiness to see us. She is housebound because she cannot walk, even a short distance, because of swelling and pain in her legs incident to AIDS.
J.L. has been a AIDS widow for 12 years. She has five children from 12 years up, who are very close in age. She loves the Church and reads her scriptures alone and with her children. About three years ago, she became so ill with AIDS that she had to give up her 3 youngest children to be raised by the R.S. Pres who was acting as our guide today.
When J.L.’s husband died of AIDS, his family “molested” her. That means they kicked her off his land and took every single possession from her home. They wanted the land back. Here, when the farms are divided up, often each sibling gets a small plot. In this case, her husband owned 2 acres: 1 ½ in one area, and ½ acre where she now resides. His family wanted the land back when her husband died, so they kicked her out.
She moved into a rental in the market with her children. The markets are really rough, dirty, loud places. She was flat down in bed for 1 ½ years, nearly dying. Her father went to the District Officer, and fought for her land. She said, “he literally RAN to the DO to fight for her.” Her father is also a very poor man. He was able to wrest the 2 acres back for her, but could not retrieve her possessions. Her father took her into his home, and she gave up the children to our present R.S. Pres.
Then about a year ago, her father helped her erect a small mud house on the property, and the R.S. Pres had the kids come back to “protect” her and to help her by working the garden plot for her.
She became so ill, our companions said, “because she didn’t get treatment in time.” She has no money for drugs. It was interesting to us that when we arrived, she had a leaflet on the table discussing “organic gardening”. She explained that she had completed her Fourth Form. That would be comparable to high school, but the majority of the people here where we live, have not gone that far in school. It is far too expensive. So, among her peers here, she is pretty well educated. She was just such a sweet woman. She didn’t mention money or AIDS or her problems, only her frustration in not being able to leave the house, and her love of the Church. She said that when she absolutely must leave the house, she gets a taxi—that means she gets a bicycle rider to come and put her on the seat on the back to take her out. How a bicycle rider could even get to her across that field is beyond me…big clods of dirt to get over. I just wanted to cry for her. I can’t even imagine what her life must be in that dark mud house.
Culture, culture, culture---it is so foreign to us—I won’t forget this
Our next visit was to B.K., who is 2nd Counselor in the YW, but who has been absent from Church for several months with bouts of Typhoid and Malaria. These two illnesses are the most common sicknesses that we run into here. When we arrived, BK wasn’t home. She was at the market. Neal & I have never met her, but she is very familiar to the two companions who were our guides.
Her 16 year old daughter welcomed us into their home, which was a fairly large mud structure with dung floor. They had covered the walls with lace curtains so that the mud did not show. One of the curtains was lovely---about 3ft by 5ft with a lace pattern woven into it of Cornwall and Devon England scenes. All of the overstuffed furniture (wood framed furniture with very thin foam pads on them), had white, red, or blue pieces of cloth hung across them, which made it look very festive. They had also strung decorations across the ceiling like Christmas tinsel.
It wasn’t until we sat there for a while, that we noticed that there were probably 90-100 wasp nests hanging from the ceiling and the junctures between the ceiling and the walls. They were tiny nests, but very active with hornets. I surreptitiously counted 25 nests on one of the shorter walls. They said some people believe the wasps bring good luck, but our companions were not convinced, and appeared as nervous as we were during our almost 1 ½ hr visit.
We talked with the daughter, who appeared quite shy with us. Soon, she got up and returned with an old man, whom we later discovered was her father, T.K. He could not speak English, had poor teeth, but was very, very nice. He explained through the counselor in the Br. Pres translating that he had read the Swahili copy of the Bk of Mormon. He has attended fairly regularly, but can’t be baptized until he can learn to understand English. He told us he wanted to be baptized.
We heard at various times during the visit that he had 8-9- and 10 kids. We never ever understand. He is fine that his wife and children, who are members, come to church. Fare is a problem (always). We discovered that he is 79 years old—born in 1932. He looks that old too. His wife, BK, had been at the market. When the R.S. Pres called her there, she returned home to meet us.
We were shocked to see her. She is much younger looking, and in fact, is 44 years old. She had a beautiful, young face—beautiful eyes and cheekbones—her hair in cornrows. She must have been strikingly beautiful as a younger woman. She was warm and smiling with us. She speaks English fairly well. She appeared to be very affectionate (for an African—because they rarely show affection in public) and attentive to her husband. He told us through interpretation that he remained young because she “takes such good care of me.”
As we left the house, I couldn’t resist. I asked her how she met her husband. She said that he had been married before and had 10 children. His first wife died when he was 57 years old (22 years ago). He then took his parents, and they went to her (BK’s) parents’ home and paid a bride price for her. She did not know him at all at this time. She was 22 years old at the time of her marriage. She said she had no choice in the matter.
Even if she had loved a man much closer to her age, if her parents decided they wanted her to marry this man, and he was willing to pay, she must go. She said, “I love him now. He is good to me. We have been married a long time. We have had 10 children ourselves. Our youngest child is 5 years old.”
Her husband was 74 when this last child was born. He has 19 living children. She giggled at my questions and with me. She was amazed that I was amazed. She hugged me several times as she laughed. It was a delightful, eye-opening encounter.
It was interesting to us that he asked us what would happen if he died and wasn’t baptized yet into the Church. “Will the Church bury me?” We asked if he meant ceremonially or financially. He said he meant would they perform the service. It was a visit I shall never forget.
Last visit of the day:
C.A. is a counselor in the YW. She is also a PEF recipient. She has had a run-in with the law because of selling medicine without a license and some other problems. She has become disenchanted with the Church and is angry because she hasn’t been visited. Her husband has moved in with a second wife, leaving her on a small plot with her 3 children. She is upset because she says no one ever visits her. No home teachers or visiting teachers. So, we made an appointment to go visit her in a place none have visited---a new different location.
We drove down a steep dirt incline off the tarmac, and then over some pretty rough terrain..no road at first, then just a dusty trail that got more and more narrow, until even Neal gave up, and backed out because the foliage had covered the road so closely, we couldn’t get through. The R.S. Pres asked neighbors all along the way for directions, and we walked—quite a way back into the area where her home was. Neal said it was probably ½ mile. It wasn’t too bad of a walk, but it was very hot and dusty. We are in the dry season now—many people are hungry because they have run out of food. They wait in great anticipation for the rains, which are supposed to be imminent. The BP Couns, pointed to the sky and said, “See the clouds are beginning to form. It will rain soon.” I looked at the sky, and couldn’t see much of anything….Anyway, after all that effort trying to find her home, it was padlocked up. We called her, and she said, “Oh, I’m in school.” That was a bit upsetting. But, the day was really wonderful. We had some very tender moments, some sad experiences, and so heart-warming ones as well. We are constantly amazed at the strengths and resiliency of these people who cope with such VERY difficult lives.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Friday, February 4, 2011
Mission responsibilities-courtship-Mt Elgon
February 3, 2011 I am going to write as fast as I can and try to put down images and thoughts and experiences we have had in the last month. I don’t have much time to do this—that is why we haven’t done it—so I apologize in advance for it being disjointed.
We have made a really concerted effort to try to train each Primary Presidency (usually only one sister or maybe two) in each of the four branches. These women are really valiant. I so admire their stamina and willingness to try. They lead such very difficult lives. I would feel despair I fear in their place. They work very hard, packing water each day, caring for their children, and almost always preparing the land for planting and tending the food supply for the family. Many times the men help in this task, but primarily it is the woman’s responsibility. This means, plowing or overturning the ground with crude hoes (they are wide-bladed like those pictured in Millet’s paintings.)
Most of them do not eat regularly, although I do feel they have more food than the people we served with in the Philippines. They walk everywhere they go—that is true of most of the people here. Women, however, carry all their needs, plus their babies, plus leading toddlers and other children along with them. So, to have all of those responsibilities as well as coming to Church long distances to handle Primary for two hours (almost always by themselves) is just more than I can even imagine. They have CD players to help them with the music, but without fail, they tell me their hardest challenge is Primary music—that is because almost all of the children speak only their native tongue—so they are learning songs in a foreign language.
It broke my heart last week when a Primary President responded to my question, “What are the challenges you are facing in Primary?” She said, “What is a Primary Sacrament Meeting Program? At first, I just thought she was talking generally and I answered her briefly. We went through our entire training, and were ready for closing prayer, and she brought it up again. “Tell me about the Sacrament Meeting Program? How does it work? Does the Branch President get up and talk about Primary? Does he have me talk about Primary? How long does it last? Is it about 10 minutes?“ This is a Primary President who has been in for several years. We went back to the handbook and talked at length about it. We just make assumptions. We think we understand, but we don’t so often.
MODERN COURTSHIP TRADITION: as told by our African house guests They were a delightful couple. Her father joined the Church in Scotland where he was on a scholarship to get his Master’s degree in Chemistry. He then returned to Kenya where she was raised. Then he and his wife went to USA for his Doctorate in Chemistry. He now teaches at a University in New Hampshire. Her sister has a doctorate in Chemistry and teaches at a University in El Paso. His brother teaches at a university in Georgia---teaching Economics. This couple is really sharp. He now works for the Church but left the business world as an executive to take his present position.
Over dinner they told us some of their marriage and courtship customs. They met at Church, and she told her parents she wanted to marry him. Her father invited him for dinner, and then took him into the living room where he interviewed the prospective groom for 4 hours….a real grilling.
Then sometime later, the groom to be came with some of his friends to formally talk with her parents and the clan to ask for her hand. The friends told the parents of the good qualities the groom was bringing to the marriage. Her parents and the clan then ate with the men again asking questions to see if he could provide for her.
Then the bride and her friends/sisters were called into the room. They all trooped in with lessos and blankets over their heads. The girls all walked and sat before the group. The groom had to tell which girl was the bride just by observing the bottom half of her. Every time he missed answering correctly, he had to fork over 500 shillings (about $6) to the bride’s family. (this custom is just for fun). He did not have to pay bride price because they are active Church members, but it is possible to have to pay a great deal.
If a woman runs away after she has been married, it is customary for her not to be able to return to her parents’ home for 10 years.
At the dinner that night, another returned missionary, married with 1child joined us. He explained that he had to pay 18 cows and many sheep plus gifts and money for his wife. Her bride price was 120,000 ksh or $1400 here. One cow today can be worth 30,000 ksh (about $375). He still owes a great deal on this, even though they allowed him to pay only part with the idea he must continue to pay until it is resolved. You can see what a burden this places on young people who feel often they can’t afford to marry.
They told us when an old woman dies, the clan will find a young girl from the group to replace her as a bride. It is strictly forbidden in some traditional communities now to marry someone from another tribe. If a young or middle-aged wife dies, the clan will provide the wife’s sister (if unmarried) to the man.
Kitale Adventure with Elders-native traditions
Yesterday we went to the Kitale Museum with the elders. They have mockups of several tribal villages. The first we visited was a dung home mockup of the homes the early Christian missionaries lived in.
Next we went into a compound of Lua (sp?) the tribe that lives here now. We first saw a tiny little house (like a doll house) where sacrifices were made to their gods. Then because they are polygamous (many still today), we went to the kraal of the first wife. It was the biggest, nicest house with multiple partitions for different family duties: sleeping, cooking, visiting etc. and partitions for the animals. It was about the size of a great room. To enter that home, one must bend down as a sign of respect. Then we went to the home replicating other wives—this was much smaller and much simpler in design. The other wives needed to beg the first wife for food and supplies the guard said.
At the tribal home of the Nandi Warriors, we were told that one must enter by one door and always exit by another. It is forbidden to ever walk around the house—especially by a visitor. Men must clear their throats before entering so that women may cover themselves and sit properly inside. That home was very interesting because every place in it was marked for a member of the family. There was a raised platform for the son-in-law, one for the father, the mother, etc…also each bed position on the cow dung floor was divided for a different person with a mud partition.
One tribal home for Sabot tribes had two front doors side by side. The house was divided into two distinct areas with a corridor between them: one for the teenagers and one for the parents.
Neal loves a particular tree here. It has twisty gnarly trunk and branches and then little sprigs all over it that stand straight up with clusters of bright red/orange flowers on them. It is called an Erythrina Abssinica Tree. We finally found out the name. It was worth it to go to the museum to find that out because everyone seems to have a different name for it. We’ve been told that when the red flowers drop off, the rains start again. We also have been told that if you have the mumps, you can run around the tree with a pile of wood on your head, and the mumps will leave you. I asked the museum guide if that was true, and he said, “Yes, it is.”
We’ve had some challenges helping people with the PEF loan because we’ve found sometimes the schools are not registered with the government and then they charge too much and don’t provide the degrees people have studied for to them when it is time to graduate. It is just very hard for people. We are trying to help them make sure they go someplace that the government approves.
We are responsible for Seminaries and Institutes. We have 35 classes for which we have direct responsibility. So, on Saturdays, we try to visit classes. This Saturday we went to two classes. No one showed up for the second class, so we went with the teacher out to visit each of the 9 students.
The first two are close relatives of the branch president—a sister and nephew living in the same compound. The next family we visited had two other students. In all four cases, the kids could not come to Seminary (held on Saturday because they go to school from 6AM to 5-6PM during the week) because school for them also includes Saturdays until 4:30-5PM. When they get to high school many of them go to school 7 days a week.
The next family we visited (two students) had had former couple missionaries build them a house. They are now completely inactive. The older son greeted us (19 years old) after much urging to get him to come out of his house. (Remember, once circumcised, boys and young men live in their own homes on the family compound).
He visited with us for a short while as Neal tried to encourage him to return to Church and prepare for a mission. Neal asked what could we do to help him return. He said, “You can pay my school fees.” We were a bit taken back by that especially since they had been given a house ($800) and then dropped out of sight. When we tried to encourage the younger sister (about 16) to return to seminary, she refused.
We then went to visit the last student—an orphan who works very hard in the home of her grandmother, who is in very poor health—in her late 80s or 90s. This girl works very long hours and is not able to come to seminary very often because of all she must do to earn her keep in the home.
We have just finished teaching the 6 Temple Preparation classes in each of the 4 branches. That has been a really neat experience for us. There are some really wonderful, sweet people here. We hope they have a better idea of what the temple really means. There are two or three families in each of the branches who are preparing to go to the temple. It is very, very difficult here to do that. It takes a long time to get a birth certificate and passport, plus it is very expensive for them. The Church helps them, but it is still very difficult. Neal has also been teaching Missionary Prep classes to several young men. We hope to start a Marriage Class in Sunday School in one of the branches. It is a huge need here.
We had a man call us yesterday to ask if we would come up next week and teach him how to be a professional counselor and to learn how to play the piano at the same time. We tried to explain that it took us many years to learn to do that.
We love our branch presidents. They sacrifice so much for the work they do. We have visited with the parents of three of them so far. We have been in the home of the BP’s parents in one branch several times. We were shocked yesterday to discover that the BP’s mother, whom we have visited is the 1st wife of 2 polygamous wives. It is just so common here that they never mention it. In that home the mother (a grandmother my exact age) was holding a 6 month old baby. She told us her son’s wife (the mother of the baby) had run away 2 months previously and left the baby behind. What a tragedy. Grandma is raising it.
The African couple who stayed with us (mentioned earlier) have been married 10 years and have been unable to have children. She suffers with endometriosis. They said it is impossible for Africans such as themselves to adopt children. They said foreigners are able to do so easily, but it is really hard for natives. I imagine part of that is because orphaned children are assimilated into extended families so well. We are so impressed with the generosity of African families to take in children or others who have no place.
One of the branch presidents lives in his family’s compound. The land has been subdivided so each of the siblings has a small farm, and they all work the land collectively. One of the siblings died leaving his wife pregnant. She had had 2 sets of twins previous to his death. On the birth of the third set of twins, the wife died. Now all three sets of twins live in the compound. They sleep wherever they happen to be at bedtime, but they are raised just like the others as part of the whole big family. Not many of us Americans would be so generous I would think.
We hardly ever have taken P days. We usually just get up and throw a batch of laundry in the washer and leave for the day or do it on our office days. Saturdays are our Seminary Visiting days. So, Monday morning when we were out on our walk, it was so beautiful, and Neal looked out over the huge valley and said for the 100th time, “Sometime we ought to go to Mt Elgon National Park”. It is about ½ hour from our home. So, I said, “OK, let’s do it—today….We’ve been here 6 months, let’s just do it!” So, we came home, threw in a wash, typed a bit of Seminary stuff, and piled into the car, and went.
When we got to the park, the ranger told us our passports were not in order, and it would cost us about $50 a piece. She found a place in the passport that said our work permit was only good for 6 months and expired a week ago. We were shocked as we only got them in November. We called Nairobe and asked while we stood at the gate, and Sister N. explained there was another place in the passport that said it was good for 2 years. Yay! So we got in for about $12. Mt. Elgon is the 2nd highest peak in Kenya.
We loved our afternoon riding through a small portion of the park. We didn’t see any other people the whole time. We rode through beautiful jungle with lots of Tarzan vines, caves, waterfalls, and at times, beautiful vistas. We didn’t see any elephants---darn…but lots of elephant droppings….we wondered if they had been scooped up from somewhere else and planted on the roads…just kidding! We saw an antelope, lots and lots of brown monkeys and a bunch of colombos monkeys..We loved them. They are absolutely gorgeous….Their bodies remind us of long-haired skunks…..then they have a long narrow tail with a long white horse tail that trails behind. They are so pretty and have such beautiful intelligent faces. So, we had a lovely time doing that…It was rejuvenating.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
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